Clearing out cobwebs

 Bonjour!

Dangggggg. It has been a VERY long time since I last posted anything here. Life has been hectic and truth be told, I kinda forgot about this blog. But I gotta admit, I do miss writing. So it is 15 minutes past midnight and this is possibly the only time that I have to myself- assuming (read as : hoping) the boys stay asleep for at least another 15minutes before realizing mommy is not in bed. 

So the last time I wrote in here was when I got called to the bar, eyh? Give and take a year plus. well here are the updates of my life.....

I am now a mother of two...... boys. I had my second child, Aydrean back in January. Now let me tell you this.... That boy is really something. But I'll save the story of my pregnancy journey and how his delivery went down for another post (assuming I wont forget and abandon this blog AGAIN). Let's focus on the now. Being a fulltime housewife and a mother of TWO boys is havoc. Life has never been the same. I started drinking coffee again just to make sure I can keep up with them. Don't get me wrong, I love my boys to bits. It's just that some days it gets overwhelming. One sleeps and the other wakes up, one is screaming bloody murder while the other is crying to be fed. Total chaos most days. But still, I treasure and cherish those moments when they aren't trying to annoy each other. Aydrean is only 10 months now yet it would seem like he has managed to grasp the concept of jealousy and attention hogging. Ayden is a wonderful big brother and he loves his little baby brother to bits but some days he just wants mommy all to himself and things can turn sour very quickly. 

I am.... still unemployed. For now. The new year is coming and I am in the process of establishing my own business. I dont wanna jinx it actually but in all seriousness, who even reads blogs anymore? Lol. I highly doubt anyone would come along stumbling across my blog these days with everyone being too engrossed with tik tok and facebook. So here it goes. I am opening a pet shop. We just secured the shop about a week ago and yesterday we managed to apply for our trading license and applied for the electricity for the shop. When I say we, I am referring to me and the significant other. Mom has a share in it too, but she has decided to be a silent partner and reap the profits at the end of every financial year. This is something I am very much looking forward to. Being my own boss and diving into new waters that is somewhat foreign to me. I mean of course I've done plenty of businesses before but nothing tops this. This is the real deal. This is legit. And I hope all goes well. Amin. May Allah ease this venture of mine. 

This year we also managed to purchase our first house. And it's close by to Ayden's future preschool and Aydrean's future playschool, as well as the shop. Of course credit should be given where it is due, so all the credit goes to my amazing husband who works so hard just to make sure that he can give us the best convenience that life can offer. So my daily life won't be one which will include annoying traffic jams because all I have to worry about is navigating my way around a less than 5KM route. Of course as of now we are still waiting for the house to come thru. There are still some procedures and legal stuff that needs to be settled, but its okay. Good things come to those who wait. 

Oh my. Kids are awake. Will continue soon. Hopefully. X's and O's 

What is my purpose?

 Bonjour!

This is random and hella out of the blue but since no one is ever hardly on blogger these days, I feel like it's a safe space for me now. 

These past few weeks have been hellish for me. In between adjusting to transitions of change to once again questioning the purpose of my existence, my life and self existence has once again hit rock bottom. I used to think I have dreams. I used to want to pursue it. But this pandemic and the state of my mental and physical health right now is just not having any of it. 

I successfully finished my chambering and was called to the Bar in June. Which was of course something big to celebrate. As they say in the legal field, you can get married more than once but you only get called to the bar once in your life. But after a year of chambering, I started to doubt if law is what I really wanted to do in the long run. I have always talked about baking, about having my own small bakery. I loved feeding people, I loved it when people enjoyed my creations and time has proven that I actually have a talent in it. But even my love of baking and dreams of opening a bakery of my own has been dampened by what seems to be like a never ending pandemic. Businesses are failing and I don't wanna jump into something rushed. It's just. I don't know anymore. I just know that I need to keep going but where exactly am I going? 

Baby Raspberry is a 1 Year Old

Bonjour!

From the title, you can probably guessed it. Procrastination hit me like a towing truck that's towing another car which also ended up hitting me because the baby that I last posted about is now 1 years old.

My darling baby boy turned 1 on 16th June 2020 and it was a simple and humble celebration with the family (both my side and the hubby's side). We didn't get to carry on with our original plans due to the Movement Control Order due to Covid 19 (looooong story but basically 2020 has been a shitty year and we are in the midst of a pandemic that caused us to be put under compulsary movement control) as well as financial restrictions, we will have to do what we planned to do this year, next year. But putting that aside, my oh my has my baby boy grown. As of today, he has already mastered crawling and now he is starting to attempt to take his first step and I can tell you right now that I will be an emotional mess when he finally makes that first step (especially if I miss it).

Aside from Ayden turning 1, I am also in the (technically) 4th month of chambering since I started my pupilage in March but the MCO hit the nation and I'm no longer sure how my chambering period is counted anymore. Chambering at the State Attorney-General Chambers is quite an experience. There's a handful of chambees here and I've made some new friends while also being reunited with some old friends from uni days. It isn't all rainbows and sunshine but there are more better days than the rainy ones. Basically I am all pumped up to go through the learning process of it all. I also signed up for an Advocacy Training course in August which is also a requirement for my pupilage. I am not so excited about that but I am embracing a new attitude to just absorb every experience good or bad and get through it all because either way, I will gain something from it.

I guess basically this post is just to say that despite all the bad that hit this year, there are always more things to be grateful for if you look closely enough. My blessings are in abundance and there is more to come, I know it coz quoting Pikachu, I feel it in my jellies. So let the good come through and the bad pass by.

x's and o's

Hello 2020

Bonjour!

On another post of “I’m sorry for the procrastination...”, as usual I apologize for letting my laziness get the better of me and making me skip an entire year of blogging. Life has been.... pretty hectic. 

But to start this post off, I’d like to wish everyone a Happy New Year! It’s finally 2020 and there are still no flying cars to be seen (boy, did our generation get that prediction wrong lol). As per usual, it’s that time of the year to reset resolutions and reflect on the previous year’s resolution to see what was actually achieved and what was left to be carried forward into the new year. This year I am having second doubts and conflicted thoughts about resolutions. I mean, people rarely get them done but they still make new ones every year (where most of them are just previous years’ resolutions that are carried forward anyways). So whilenI ponder whether or not I will be dedicating a post for my new year’s resolutions, I’d like to leave a little update on my life.

First of all, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy on 16 June 2019. To be honest I was half way thru a post dedicated to the story about his birth but as always, procrastination caught up and then motherhood didn’t make it any easier for me to dig up some extra time to sit and type, so that post is currently collecting dust in my drafts box. Hopefully I will come around to getting it done with (does this count as a resolution?). 

Secondly, 2019 was not kind to me in the career division. I applied a number of non legal related positions but yet, dis not manage to get a job despite getting a couple of interviews done with. So in the end, last December, I found myself submitting an application for a chambering position at a government department and I am still waiting for a response. Let’s hope that goes well for me. 

My 2019 was basically focused on friends and family. My best friend in the whole wide world came home back in September and we got the chance to spend some quality tine together and I also managed to go on a short vacation to KL and meet up with the gang from my uni days. There were more family trips and events this year as well. All in all, it was a great year. A simple, humble yet full of blessings and good vibes kind of year. I don’t think I could’ve asked for a better way to spend the entire year. 

In general, 2020 is the year where I plan to make a come back. I have high hopes and dreams for 2020. I just hope they fall into line and work out well for me and my loved ones. You know what? Maybe I will make a post about my 2020 New Year resolutions and wish list. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe. Til the next post, xoxo. 

2019 Resolution

Bonjour!

Scrap the whole "new year, new me" saying. Forget about reinventing myself because I am over that notion and I am focusing on self improvement.  To allow such self improvement to happen, I've decided to list down a number of realistic resolutions. I know it's the end of January and people usually set out their resolution in the beginning of the year but I am on board the "January is atrial month" train, hence, we are where we are. Without any more dilly dally, let's get into this.

1. Be a better wife.
So far I've been married for 5 months. I have been blessed to be given a husband who makes this resolution easier for me. He isn't fussy and he does most of his things by himself and he isn't demanding. If he wants me to do something he asks instead of orders which I highly appreciate. Under this resolution includes my desire to improve my cooking and baking skills to make sure that the hubby has a full stomach on most days. As far as this year has pass, I'm doing pretty good. attempted some dishes I never did before. Failed a couple of times, but most of it was a success. By the end of this year, I hope to be able to brush up on my kitchen and house keeping skills.

2. To be a great mom.
Currently entering my 5th month of pregnancy. Time really does fly. I feel like it was just yesterday that I found out I was pregnant. The journey hasn't been entirely delightful, but let me express my gratitude for not being haunted by the terrors of morning sickness. Although, I must say that even without the morning sickness, all the other symptoms that comes attached with the joys of carrying a child isn't a walk in the park. But I have been leaning to just enjoy the process. I am hoping a smooth delivery and a happy, beautiful and healthy baby. As of right now we are still unsure of the gender of the baby but either way, we already know the child will be blessed with a pair of parents who loves it dearly. I've been investing a lot of time researching and reading and gathering as much information as I can about maintaining a healthy pregnancy, preparing for when baby comes, browsing baby names, etc. Of course I'll try to update as much as I can about the pregnancy on this blog. (or maybe my lifestyle blog).

3. Get an income.
I heard back about the job interview that I went in for last year. I didn't get the job. As devastating as I am about it, I have learned to just accept that it wasn't meant to be. This year I am not going to be pushing and pulling myself apart to get a job because I understand the most that I can do is give effort in applying for positions and attending interviews but it is not in my control whether or not I actually get a job. So instead of being so persistent on "getting a job" I'm changing my focus to getting an income. I applied for a part time transcribing job online and have yet to hear from them. I've started selling some stuff online, both pre loved and brand new. I'm doing anything and trying anything to gain an income. With a baby on the way, I have been worrying about financials more than ever. But it's okay, I'm telling myself to take it one step at a time.

4. Be more proactive, productive.
I have had a bunch of projects that I have been wanting to get on hop of but I keep of pushing them back. Mostly it's because this pregnancy has my body up and down on energy depending on the hormone levels for the day. But I have been consistent on researching baby related stuff. So the final resolution this year is to just go out there and do what needs to be done.

And there you have it. A list of my realistic resolutions for the year. I decided to keep it simple and achieve-able. Something that I know I can tick off with a smile on my face by the end of the year. I also decided to do a monthly resolution list as well but that list I'll keep to myself for now.

x's and o's

2018 : A Recap

Bonjour!

The last time I was tap tap tapping on my laptop was when I was anxiously counting days to end my bachelorette life. Now, it's almost the end of 2018 and so much has happened since then. Of course, I apologize for once again neglecting this blog of mine but the last couple of months has been a whirlwind of changes- both expected and unexpected. Therefore, I'd like to dedicate this post to 2018 and all the ups and downs of it all. What a better way to end the year than to count blessings, eyh?

1. Finishing Law School.
2018 was the year I ended my 4 and a half years of law school journey. Pre-graduation, I mean. I packed my stuff, flew back home and started getting busy with intensive wedding planning. It was the year I said goodbye to the friends I made in the short span of time as well as the people that I once called my friends but eventually life had better stories for us to be in instead of being in each other's tale. Looking back at how eager and excited I was to get Law School done and over with, flashbacks of emotions come rushing in. The chaotic life of chasing due dates and mock trials and hearings and tests and replacement classes. Those dreadful all nighters at the firm and getting sleep at 3AM just to have to be back at the firm at 5AM the same day. But I went through those tough days with the most amazing group of people to ever exist in the world. Que, Cah, Fadhil, and Shaff being among those people. I cannot explain in words how blessed I am to have met them in my final year because without them, life would have been so unbearable. Our crazy inside jokes, innuendos, cursing, yelling, screaming, sleeping over at the firm, all of it. If I could do it all again with the exact same group of people, I would. I honestly with all my heart and soul definitely would. That's just the people I spent my final year with. Ima and Irich were people who was with me from the very beginning. Well, more Ima compared to Irich because me and Irich had a rough start but hey she is still the angel that I never expected God to throw my way in my journey. I feel like I owe so many people for so many things that they've done for me to a point where I feel like there is nothing that I could ever do to repay their kindness. The best I can do from afar is send them the best of prayers and smile as I watch them achieve all the success that they deserve in life.

2. Getting Married.
My solemnization was on 28th Septermber 2018 and it was as perfect as perfect could be. yes, there were hiccups here and there that made me cry the night before, but all of my troubles and stress went away just like that when I saw the S/O sitting there, waiting for me to sit on the dais so the ceremony could be started. Our wedding was beautiful. It was memorable, filled with love and nothing but warm and good vibes. I had friends come from all over the place just to attend my wedding and for that I am forever thankful. Crystal flew in from Japan, Que, Cah, Fadhil, and Ima flew in from Peninsular Malaysia and Pem was there with me to calm my nerves as well. The big family were so helpful and supportive and I cannot say enough words to express how grateful I am to be surrounded by loving people who are just so absolutely wonderful. On the same night we had our malam berinai and cake cutting ceremony. On 30th September 2018 it was the reception of my side followed by the groom's reception in KK on 6th October 2018. A month after that, on 4th November 2018 we had our final reception in Bogor. All in all, our wedding was a dream and after about 3 months of being married, I am happy.

3. Graduating.
After our wedding reception in KK and a couple of weeks before our reception in Bogor, I had my graduation ceremony to attend. I had a couple of minutes of being able to meet up with my best pals during my degree days and it was so much fun. Those short moments of celebrating our hard work and struggles meant so much. Managed to take some pictures with the gang and do some really quick catching up. I attended my graduation with mom, dad and the hubby. So grateful to have them there with me on the day.

4. Pregnant.
Yes, you read that right. Pregnant. As I'm typing this, I am 13 weeks pregnant which means I am in my second trimester. This was a much unexpected surprise and blessing. So far I've been to two appointments and alhamdulillah, lil raspberry (the hubby and I nicknamed the baby lil raspberry) is healthy. The last appointment I went to was last Saturday and we got to see lil raspberry move around and open and close it's hands. Oh the warmth that filled my heart. This pregnancy has been such an exciting thing yet overwhelming at the same time. Most probably because of my anxiety and my fear of the unknown. But I have set my mind to just go with it and cross the bridges that I fear when I get to them. For now, I am very thankful for this gift from God and all I hope is that lil raspberry will continue to grow to be a healthy and happy baby. Amin.

5. Job Interview
So some time around July I applied for a government position and after months of agonizingly waiting patiently, I finally got called for an interview just when I thought that there was no more hope left in that application. I went into the interview and gave everything I got and the best I can do now is to wait and leave the rest in God's hands. I really do hope I get the job offer soon because with a baby on the way and in the recent economy, being in a single income household isn't much of an option. So fingers crossed that I'll be kicking off the new year with a job offer that can at least help contribute to the household and put some moolah aside for rainy days as well.

All in all, it was a pretty eventful year filled with blessings, celebration and happiness. I have so many people to thank in 2018 including those who walked away from my life and made it even better than before. May 2019 be another year of endless blessings and happiness. Although, in my opinion, it's all about perspective. Even the worst of events could be a blessing if you look at it from the right angle. For 2018, I include the lessons and my downfalls as blessings for making me a wiser and stronger person. Next on my agenda? Resolutions. Stay tuned for that. =)

x's and o's

Less Than Three Months

Bonjour!

So the clock is ticking and I only realized today that I'm less than 3 months away from my wedding. The past week I was busy with Raya celebration but also managed to sneak in some time in between to just get some wedding stuff done. Sent in the fabric for my solemnization attire to a boutique and got some other small details sorted out. I went home that night and double checked my list of things that needs to be done and realized that I've gotten most of it done. The best I can do now is just sit back and relax as I wait for my fitting sessions.

One thing that I have to admit that I've procrastinated long enough is sending in my scholarship documents. So I'm a scholarship receiver for my degree program and there's a requirement that I 'report' to the office with the relevant documents once I finish my studies. I finished in February. It's now end of June and I still haven't gotten my ass to the office. I really need to get that struck off my to do list.

Another thing that I've been putting on hold is going to the dentist. I'm not sure if I mentioned this in a previous post but I got a temporary tooth filling when I was in Indonesia with the Fiance which was done by my Fiance's cousin. Well that filling broke. Like a month ago. I've been putting off getting it fixed because I'm damn scared of the dentist but today I just knew that I couldn't put it off anymore and just picked up the phone, called the dentist that's nearby my place and made an appointment for tomorrow. I'm terrified. Sigh. But I gotta do what needs to be done because getting anything major done way too close to the wedding date is just hazardous and I dont want to risk any swelling or whatever on my wedding week. Wish me luck!

I've been thinking lately about setting up another blog. Something like a lifestyle blog. A platform where I would post up make up tutorials or skincare reviews or things like that. Just a little something to keep me busy on the side even after I get a full time job.

Speaking of jobs, I've been applying a few more positions here and there, and I'm still sitting and waiting to hear back from the places that I've applied. Pray for me people!

And that's all the updates that I've got for now. Ciao!
x's and o's

Unemployment, Renovations and Counting Months

Bonjour!

Hello ah-may-zing people! (coz we just left the month of May, geddit? No? Okay sorry for the lame pun, I've been getting rusty)

So came back from my Jakarta trip a couple of weeks ago, and most of the things that needed to be done is actually done. Had my final fitting for the groom's reception attire (super excited to wear a Sundanese traditional attire!), booked the homestay for my family during the reception, picked up the invitation cards for the groom's side, the future mother in law settled the catering details, and I also got the chance to sneak in a little bit of extra shopping. *wink wink* It was a pretty tiring trip given the fact that the second day we were there, it was the first day of Ramadhan. But the plus side of travelling during fasting month is that I was so busy running around getting things done, I didn't really have time to sit and anxiously anticipate the passing of time, waiting for iftar. It was actually a good distraction. The fact that I got to spend some extra quality time with the future mum in law and the Fiancé was a definite plus.

Latest update is that the house has been undergoing minor renovations. The plasters around the ceiling got polished and retouched, my room got a paint job, and the kitchen was also repainted. It was a pretty hectic and messy week last week with the dust and the paint, etc. It's done, for now. But there might still be some upcoming works to be expected. So my room now is basically a mess. I have been sleeping on the floor these past couple of days coz my bed got sent to my brother's house to make room for new furniture. I hope I can get a new bed by this week, I just need to find the willpower to get out of the house and go bed hunting. My clothes are also all over the place, I have them hanging of temporary hanger stands/portable closets because I'm waiting for my closet to be custom made. I know I should get things cleaned up but I figure I should just get everything done once all the furniture is in place so I won't have to keep packing and unpacking my stuff. But mom isn't happy with my so called idea so I guess I'll still have to clear out my clothes anyways.

Okay so these days I've been slightly restless. Well at least a tad bit more restless than I usually am. This whole situation of being unemployed with nothing much to do is actually tiring. Fine, maybe I'm over exaggerating. Its not like I've been doing nothing, period. Of course I've been getting wedding prep done like getting my orders for sticker and invitation cards settled, and sewing on the beads on my veil, and adjusting the hem of my dress, etc. But I mean something career wise. The solution sounds as simple as "get a job", right? Let me explain to you the complication in this situation.

We are approaching the end of May. The wedding will be at the end of September. That's approximately around 3+ months to go. What I am concerned with is that I don't wanna be that scumbag employee or chambee who starts working for a couple of months then applies days and days worth of leave. I know, how many days do I need to take off just for a wedding, right? Well, let me break it down. There's the reception on my side, which starts on a Friday and ends on a Sunday and you can't really expect a newly wed to actually immediately start work a day after her reception, right? Then the following week is the groom's reception in KK which falls on a Saturday but of course I'd need to take at least a day off before the event to relax and get final preparations in check. Then a month after that would be the groom's reception in Bogor, which means international traveling and we know how tiring that can be. Also, the reception is on a Sunday, which means more off days needed. And finally, my convocation which UiTM has yet released the dates for the graduation ceremony. At this point I am just praying that it doesn't clash with any of my wedding dates. Do note that I haven't even mentioned time off for a possible honeymoon and that's because I'm still considering the possibility of postponing the honeymoon due to certain reasons.

The second issue is that the place where I am currently living in and the place that I'll be moving to after the wedding is like on the opposite ends of the world. (yes, I am exaggerating but you get my point) The last thing I'd want to worry about is being posted at a place that's near to my house now and then struggling to get to work after the wedding if it's too far away from where I'll be moving.

So in short, jumping into a career really isn't the best option for now. But then again, I really can't guarantee that I'll be employed immediately after the wedding coz unemployment rates now are just over the roof and the numbers keep expanding. It is so hard to get a job these days.

I guess the plus side of this is that I get to really take my time in deciding what I really want to do and what career path I want to jump into. I can weigh all my options and compare the pros and cons. In all honesty, the Fiancé has made it clear that even if I chose to be a full time house wife, he would be fine with that but come on. Even as I type this I can feel my brain cells committing suicide as every second passes and I feel like I'm not doing something self fulfilling with my career life.

I have been considering taking more of an effort to polish my creative side. I feel like I'd like to restart my love of writing and maybe do something more than just mere rants on my blog. We'll see how that goes. In the meantime, I'll be anxiously counting down the days til I get hitched.

Until then, toodles. x's and o's

Off The Market

Bonjour!

Lets just try to ignore the fact that I have abandoned this dusty blog for far too long so I can skip the apologies and just get straight to the updates.

To start it off, one of the major differences that has happened since my last post was probably my relationship status. I am officially engaged and sometimes it still feels so surreal that I introduce the S/O as my Fiancé instead of my boyfriend. Never did I imagine I'd actually ever use the word "I" and "engaged" in the same sentence. But I guess it was just the right time to move forward and settle down. So now it's an estimate of less than 5 months til the wedding and I've been up to my neck with wedding preparations and it feels like even though I've been starting with the prep since November 2017, but there are still tons of things to do as the day comes closer. I have to say, I have been blessed with a Fiancé who has a lot of patience in dealing with my inner Bridezilla and a family who are more than helpful. Praying and hoping that everything will go well until the end of the countdown. Amin.

Another major change is that I finally ended my law school journey. Yes, people I am officially a Law Degree holder and after 4 and a half years, I finally crossed my finish line! So I spent the last month packing up my stuff in Shah Alam, loaded it all in my car and shipped everything back home. My car arrived in KK a week ago and I still have some unpacking to do. My unpacking process is taking longer than expected since my room needs to be cleared out for some minor renovations that dad wants to do before furnishing it for the wedding. So now I've been sending in my resume here and there, and what's left to do is wait for a response.

Moving on from major news, another thing that you can say I've been up to is some minor traveling. I say minor because it's more of a business travel than it is a leisure travel. I went to Jakarta & Bogor, Indonesia last March with my mom, the Fiancé, the future mom in law, future sis in law, and a family friend of the Fiancé. The reason for the trip was of course, wedding preparations. The future mom in law is Indonesian, originating from Bogor. Therefore, the upcoming wedding involves a reception back in their hometown. Aside from that, for the reception for the Groom's side in KK, they decided that the theme was going to be full on traditional so the trip was also so we could shop for a traditional Sundanese wedding attire. I'm going back to Jakarta sometime in the middle of May for a final fitting session and to pick up the dress. So that's another thing to anticipate. But I'm not gonna lie, this upcoming trip is gonna be difficult because it's during Ramadhan and traveling while fasting isn't something I'm familiar with. So lets hope for the best.

And that's pretty much it. I'll try to update more soon.

x's and o's

The Unknown

Bonjour!

and again, I've managed to put off publishing anything here for almost 2 months, is it? Well hardy har har to me and my repeated failed attempts of maintaining this darned thing but still needing it once in a while to declutter all the mess in this twisted mind of mine.

Lets move on to recent happenings.

So my engagement is in 9 days. Yes, I said engagement and yes, I said 9 days. never did I think that this day would come where I would put the words "my" and "engagement" in the same sentence. And I'm serious. I gave up on all things commitment and relationships 5 years ago or so and decided to focus on me and rid my life of men for good. And then I met my Future Fiance and all that trash talk about living my life without a man and all my plans that only involved "me, myself and I" went down the drain along with my ego. I can truly say I've been so blessed to be able to find love when I wasn't looking for it. I'd pour my heart out about the Future Fiance here, but I'll save that post for another day. Maybe after the engagement. We'll see.

Going back to the topic of the engagement itself, I've been back in my beloved hometown and I can honestly say my one month holiday was not wasted a single bit. I've been so busy with preparations that I didn't even notice how fast time passed by. I just realized how much more I need to do in terms of preparations. I've had friends ask me if I'm nervous or excited. Basically, those feelings haven't kicked in... yet. I am anticipating those emotions, but maybe I'll save them for a later day seeing as I can't afford to crash and burn now considering all the prep that still needs to be done. Hopefully I'll remember to update this blog with pictures. We shall see. *smirks*

Moving on heavier things....

My exam results came out a week or two ago and as expected, I failed another paper *sigh* But all is still good because 1, I'm used to that feeling of failed papers and 2, it was an anticipated failure. I failed my Criminal Procedure Code 1 paper which isn't a real surprise because I was personally struggling with it. The best I can do is try harder next semester and pass all my other subjects so I can make sure I graduate on time and start raking in the moolah (ka-ching!).

I am, however, starting to worry. Entering my final semester and still not a clue about what I'm gonna do with my life after graduation. To chamber or not to chamber. What other options do I have in the legal world aside from chambering? What's the procedure/path for me to get there? What if I wanna do something outside anything legal related? Oh gosh those questions haunt me in my sleep especially because I've been bombarded with those exact questions for the last few months. I've been avoiding burdening myself with these pestering questions but I know I can't dodge them forever. I'm gonna have to face them sooner or later, I'm just not sure when.

Other than that, life has been good. Life has been blessed. And I am thankful. I am beyond thankful.

xoxo

Hiatus

Bonjour

Wow I just realized how long I've left this blog untouched. I think my last post was during the 3rd or 4th week of my classes and now I'm entering the final week before I go back KK for the Raya break and come back SA to finish up my final exams and top it off with a mock trial for my CTA class.

The reason for my long hiatus? Where do I even begin? With all the filings we've had to do, classes that had to be attended and tests that needed to be taken, I've been submerged in workload that was far too much for me to bite into. Luckily most of the filings were group works, so while I'm at it, shout out to my firm mates for being so strong and supportive throughout this semester. I couldn't possibly do it without them.

Add the stress and pressure of planning an engagement- I've been running around getting preparations done for months now and yet there's still a lot to do. I feel like I've gotten most of it done, but yet there's still a whole lot more undone. I've booked my photographer and make up artist, I've gotten my door gifts ready (oh God I hope I have enough), and most of my hantaran stuff are all set. But there are still one or two things that I need to get for my hantaran, and I haven't gotten my fabric to the tailor yet and I still haven't browsed around for a mini pelamin. A part of me now is saying if I had known earlier how stressful it is to plan an engagement, I would've skipped it all together and go straight to the wedding ceremony. If this is how stressful it's gonna be planning an engagement, then I can't imagine the mess I'll be when I'm planning the wedding. (God I hope my future fiancee can handle the inner bridezilla).

As if that's not enough to make me lose track of time, I've also been facing some personal issues lately. Broken down friendships, tested relationship, homesickness, my general health. Some days are more bearable than others, but on the days when they aren't bearable, I pull back and hide in the comfort of my bed, praying the monsters in my head will go away when they're bored or praying that I'll have the courage to push back and move forward.

But all in all, I'm still good. I'm still standing, even if I'm a tad bit wobbly. I'll make it through with my sanity intact and my heart in one piece.

Hopefully.

Anyways, wishing all uitm students good luck on the upcoming exams, and may we all strive to achieve greater success. Amen.

x's and o's

Long overdue

Bonjour!

It's the fourth week of class. I know, I know. I'm late again. But life has been more tiring than it is hectic. Some good, others bad. It's been a roller coaster ride and my highs were sky rocket while my lows were down in the dumps.

After successfully completing and surviving 3 weeks of class, what I can say is that it isn't much of what I expected it to be, but it's still bearable. The workload hasn't really kicked in full blast, but the physical exhaustion that I feel is much of a challenge especially since my body can't really tolerate fatigue that much. And mentally challenging because of certain happenings that I haven't been able to comprehend logically and requires some adapting which leads to my emotional stress and we all know how emotional stress bugs me out more than all the others do.

Aside from that, things have been good but I can't help to feel like things around me are falling apart in a way more than one. I'm slowly learning how to adapt with everything. The new, the change and merging those with the old. Whatever it is, I've decided to stay true to my own self and if I need to walk away from something or someone, then I will do it with my head held high.

x's and o's

Move Forward

Bonjour!

It's around 1.40AM on a Friday when I'm tap tap tapping on my keyboard, furiously typing this entry. I know it's late and I should be asleep, but for some reason sleep has been such a foreign thing to me and I haven't been getting enough of it. On another note, I haven't been in a great groove. I don't know why but my days have been spent just rolled up in my blanket like a burrito with my lights out and the only time you'll see my face when it's not cooped up in my room is when I go out for prayers or when I'm starving. But anyhow, let's move on from that.

Exam results were supposed to come out today, but I found out my results earlier because I checked through an app before the admin or something like that shut that access down. So I still have some friends who can't check their results yet. What I can say is, I am glad I finally passed that paper I've been dreading and I passed it quite well, I might say. That means next semester will be a black and white semester for me. On one hand, I'm so glad that I'm finally another step closer to getting that law degree. But then again, there are so many terrors that could come up at the very last minute, who knows what life could throw at me. But I guess that's the whole point of stepping out of my comfort zone, huh?

So as preparation for the new semester, I've already went out and got myself a new suit and a couple white shirts. Aside from that, I also took the initiative of buying fabric and sending them off to a tailor which shall be ready by the end of the month. The new semester starts in the first week of March, so I'm going to have to make a move on buying that flight ticket and this semester is a bit of a bummer coz I can't extend my holidays since I have to be in the faculty on the first day for orientation  and briefing. In all honesty, I was planning on flying back to Shah Alam a day or two earlier that my usual fly days so that I could settle myself down properly before this hectic new life I'm about to embark, but it seems like I really don't have the heart to leave home any earlier than I have to. So I'll have to recheck my schedule and talk about flight arrangements with dad when he comes home this weekend.

It's not something I'm proud of, but I have to admit I've been in a funky mood lately. Like I said earlier, I've been in a groove lately and surprisingly enough this funk includes easily being snappy at the smallest things. Maybe it's my defence mechanism. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't stressing out about the new semester. I've got a lot of things to think about and I'm not sure how I'm gonna handle it. This upcoming semester is going to be a hectic one and I'm worried about coping with a busy schedule and balancing the stress of workload with my homesickness. Not to mention how my new schedule and lifestyle is going to affect my relationship. I know it's not wise to worry about by problems before they even come my way, but I can't help it.

The best I can do for now I prepare myself the best that I can and pray that Allah eases everything for me. Ameen.

x's and o's

Inner Self Destruct Button

Bonjour!

We've all heard how life comes with its ups and downs. So we accept that. We understand that a person can't be on top of the world forever and that bad things will happen occasionally in life. For some, it happens more often than others which makes a person feel cursed or something along those lines.

I don't know about anyone else but I have a bad habit of expecting the worse at times. Don't get me wrong, though. It doesn't mean that I'm a pessimist. I'm more of a realist more than anything. It's just that I have been so accustomed to things not always going my way and I know everyone has those days too. Where nothing seems to go right and you choose to call it one of those bumpy bad days.

But I take it to an extreme. Slightly.

My Scumbag Brain in Action

Call it self sabotage if you may. If things start to go too well in my life and nothing bad has happened for a while, I tend to anticipate a bad thing coming- sometimes even worse, I create them myself. It's hard to explain but if you've known me for a while on a personal level, you'd understand what I mean.

I'm guilty of sabotaging my happiness more than I'm supposed to and it's not like I do it on purpose, but it's more of a habit. Or maybe it's a natural response to my brain's inability to accept the thought that I deserve to be happy. All my life I've had thoughts about how much I don't deserve to be completely happy for no reason. I felt like happiness was something that people had to earn and it doesn't come rolling through the front door.

So if I have a lot of good things going on in my life on a continuous loop, I start to feel an imbalance and I start to panic, anticipating life to take it's course and send a sucker punch down my way to compensate for all the happiness that I was given on a silver platter. So much so that when nothing horrific happens after days of anticipation, my mind automatically goes into offence mode and picks into every small thing within my happiness, looking for a loophole somewhere that could be used against me. It's self destructive and I am highly aware of it. It's not healthy- emotionally or mentally. But I've been living with this condition for years and we all know how hard habits are to kick. I've been working a lot on it, but it doesn't feel like it's enough. I still constantly find myself sabotaging my happiness because in my mind, it's bound to happen anyways so why not have a bad thing that I was in control of rather than a bad thing that life chose to hurl at me.

I'm hoping someday I'll get over it. I'm hoping someday I can be really happy and know that I deserve to be that happy. Amin.

x's and o's

Exciting updates

Bonjour!

I know by now that no one really drops by to read the mundane things that goes about in my life, but that actually makes me far more comfortable ranting about whatever personal things that's been going on for my own personal records of happenings.

I am aware that its February and it's been a month+ of me not updating this dusty old thing, but I've been busy lately. Honest!

But nothing exciting really happened in January aside from me going back to Shah Alam for a couple of days to sit for my Insolvency II paper (which I am still nervously waiting for the results). Anyways, the S/O was in KL around that same time as well for some work related program and he took the effort to apply for a day worth of leave just so he could change his flight and fly home with me. So on 21st January, we boarded our first flight together and if I had to be honest, it was nice to not have to sit in a 2hour++ flight alone.

29th January was the highlight of the month tho. At 8.30PM on that day, the S/O and his family came over to my house to 'merisik'. Just to clarify things, merisik is actually a Malay tradition where the family of a guy comes over to meet the family of the girl that he intends to marry and the two families go through a process of getting to know each other better. Merisik was initially intended for a guy's family to ask the girl's parents if their daughter is still available or already taken and if she is still available, they ask for her hand in marriage on behalf of the guy. Its kinda like a proposal- Malay version. But since both our families are aware of our relationship and our exclusivity, the merisik thing was more of a formality and a platform for them to discuss things like when can we get engaged, how much the hantaran will be, etc.

So I can say that I am in a way "booked" by the significant other to be engaged. We haven't managed to decide on an exact date for the engagement yet, but we're getting there. I've been so busy these few days thinking about preparations for the upcoming engagement like picking out a theme colour and discussing dulang hantaran issues with the S/O. I've been on google so much lately looking for ideas that I'm starting to get headaches from staring at the screen for too long.

That's pretty much what happened within January 2017. I don't have much planned for February yet except for anticipating my exam results to come out on 17th February and then I need to prepare myself for the new semester. Maybe more exciting things will happen when I step into March because that's when the next semester begins.

Until the next update,
x's and o's

Mini Getaway Trip

Bonjour!

So how did you wonderful lovelies spent your New Years? No matter how or who you spent the arrival of the New Year, I hope you had a blast and made memories that will last you a lifetime.

It's the 3rd of January and I'm back at home with my usual routine. Everyone else is back at work and I'm home with mom while she goes on a New Year cleaning spree. I'm probably going to start with my revision for my upcoming paper which is my Insolvency Paper II on the 18th of Jan. I think I've been procrastinating enough and I'd like to see how it feels like to not have to rush to memorize every single case this time around. If it does me any good, it just might boost my motivation to not procrastinate for the next semester. But before that, I'd like to just jot some memories down here about my first couple of days of the New Year.

I mentioned in my previous post that I had plans to join the S/O (Significant Other) and his family for their annual New Year's Family Day at Karambunai. It was a blast. The accommodation was cozy, the view was breathtaking, the food was scrumptious, the fresh air was just what I needed to freshen myself up an the company were highly entertaining. We spent the days eating, swimming, chilling, talking, more eating and just having fun. It was mostly eating, tho. But it was a good opportunity for me to warm up to his family. I mean I've already accustomed myself to them within the 4 months of us dating so far, but the getaway trip really gave us that time to chill and just get to know each other a lot better. If anything, that trip made me miss my own big sister so much more than I already do jsut because one of his sisters reminds me of Sis Hana so much. We checked in in the evening of 1st January and were all ready to go and check out by noon of 2nd Jan.

After that my S/O drove me home but stayed for a little while. So we spent the rest of the evening just lazing around on the living room floor with my parents while munching on snacks.

All in all, it was a really good start to what I hope will be a really good year.

x's and o's

2017

Happy New Year!

So it's the beginning of a new year and I've done my reflecting in my last post. I'm sitting in the living room, as I wait for my S/O (significant other) to wake up and fetch me for a day of family time with his family. So I figured I'd drop by and leave a couple of words here to kick off the new year, and at least I can proudly say I've blogged for two days in a row.

I spent my last day of 2017 with breakfast at home with the parents and my S/O before leaving the house in the afternoon to attend a Kenduri Kesyukuran at Sutera Harbour. It was actually the S/O's invite but as usual, I was his plus one for the event. After that we rushed down to Beaufort to his dad's hometown just to drop by for a while. Topped up the night with dinner with his family and then he sent me home around 10PM. Basically, I spent my new year at home, snuggling up to mom and feeding her with the snippets or happening of the day and skyping my niece who's in Virginia. All in all, it was a normal New Year's welcoming.

Lets get down to the nitty gritty. New Year's resolutions. I personally believe in an all year round process of changing. I don't think that changing necessarily has to happen at the beginning of a new year, but I also feel like it's nice to refresh on some goals and targets at the beginning of the year just to keep yourself in check. Upon my previous reflection, I've realized that I have been so blessed with more than I possibly deserve. I feel like I really don't want anything more. But goals are the basis for improvement and there's nothing more that I want than self improvement.

1) Get through to my final year of LLB with my sanity still in tact.
2) Brush up on my communication skills.
3) Work on my Social Anxiety
4) Stop procrastinating
5) Start taking my savings seriously
6) Upgrade my relationship status (wink wink fingers crossed)
7) Learn to multitask better
8) Learn to handle my stress better
9) Be a better person than who I was before.

So all in all, my goals for this year is mostly just things that I'd like to see improve within my own self. I realize that I am far from perfect and although perfection isn't something attainable, I'd like to get as close to it as possible.

Happy 2017, everyone! May this year brings more blessings and happiness to each and every one of us.

x's and o's

Transition

Bonjour!

It's that time of year again. That mark to the end of another year. When talking about stepping into a new year and closing last year's book, the first thing that comes to mind for most people is resolutions. The normal person takes this time to figure out their goals for the upcoming year and how they're gonna reach those goals. Adding things to their bucket lists of places they wish to see in the world, things about them that they'd like to change and the people that they'd like to spend the new year with.

As for me, I enjoy a good couple of days of reflecting on how my previous year was before I start going into that ambitious mode of setting goals and listing out things that I vow to kick to the curb once and for all. And I feel like today is a good day to do exactly just that. Lets take a walk through the memory lane of 2016.

Looking back at where I was in life at the beginning of the year and where I am now, the only word that comes to my mind is "Wow". I didn't even realize how much my life has changed from so many different aspects and it took a couple of days of sitting to my self and just indulging my thoughts into my surroundings and immersing myself in the energy around me.

I started the year with being so busy getting myself ready for my 5th semester final exams and then immediately rushing to get my visa done for my trip to Virginia in February. I felt like I was lucky at the moment to be so engrossed in the excitement of getting to visit my sister and her family that I was distracted from my usual irrational worries. The trip was an eye opener for me which temporarily lead me to a tiny thought in my head that maybe I could find comfort in moving away from a place that I could no longer identify as home. Back then I was honestly struggling to find a place to call home. I was at that point in my life where I felt that the place that I came from didn't feel like home anymore but I also couldn't identify the city that I was currently living in to pursue my studies as a place that I'd like to start planting my roots and make something out of myself. I felt like I was just floating around aimlessly, desperate to find a place that called out to my soul, that felt like home. It was a feeling that I didn't bother to talk to people about because most of them would throw judgemental comments about how I 'forgot my roots', but truth is, just because I felt that KK was no longer home, it didn't mean that I didn't have any attachment to it. It was always and always will be the place that I came from, the place where I was born and bred. I just wanted to find a place to call my own. So it felt weird for me that the first thought that crossed my mind when our flight landed at Dulles Airport was "I'm home". But after 3 weeks staying there, I got a glimpse at how my sister's life was and it dawned upon me that I could have been mistaken. I was never that girl who could get up and leave everything and everyone I love just like that. I am far too emotionally attached that making an impulse decision to pack my bags and move to a whole new country half way around that world from where my loved ones were was not the kind of life I'd want to live. Sure, I wanted that independence to be on my own, but not far enough to have to struggle to come back and visit whenever I wanted to. So I came back to Malaysia with a new lesson and a heart that was just as hollow as when I left. What I did manage to bring back was memories, a phone that was filled with pictures to last me a lifetime, and a shed of light on a new perspective of who I am.

So I came back to Malaysia after a  one month getaway vacation and straight away headed for school because I already skipped a week worth of classes. I was lucky because most of my classes haven't started yet so I didn't have much catching up to do. My 6th semester was jam packed with assignments, tests, and a student legal conference that required us to present out research paper that we done the previous semester. I sailed through the 6th semester with a dash of drama once in a while, but nothing that was not bearable. Or so I thought. After the usual routine of long nights and days at the library, I went home for the holidays that end of July with a heavy heart and slight disappointment with my performance for more than half of my papers. But I was hopeful, and I was ready to accept what was to come. Or (once again) so I thought.

I spent my semester break as usual, spending every day out and about, if not meeting up with old friends, I'd be having lunch with my cousins or bugging mom at the office. Until I made one decision to have faith and leap out of my comfort zone and say yes to a cup of coffee with this guy who had been asking me out for almost a year or so. And the rest was pretty much history. One thing lead to another, one harmless coffee date lead to a movie date, to an evening stroll at the beach, to him being my plus one at a friend's wedding and the next thing I knew, I was someone's person. I didn't even realize when or how it happened but it just did and I am so happy that it did. What struck me was that this guy had been lingering around on the sidelines of my life for almost a year already and I never gave him the time of day. The thought that if I had said yes to him earlier, I could've been happy with him way earlier as well. But I guess the best lesson that I got from this was that things happen at their own time, at their own pace. I feel like the way that he came into my life was one of the ways that God was looking down at me and my life as He placed this guy there, but never letting me be moved towards him until that perfect moment where everything would fall into place perfectly and effortlessly. And believe me when I say it was very effortless. I'm not saying that we're not putting effort into our relationship, but what I'm trying to say is we became what we are without having to struggle or try too hard to make it happen. It was as if I said yes, we sat down for that cup of coffee, and the universe aligned itself in the most beautiful way it possibly could and the rest was simply beautifully written. What started with the two of us resulted into a chain reaction. I met his family and he met mine, and the next thing we knew, both families were sitting in the living room over good food and good conversations. This is probably one of the most sudden changes in my life this year and it's the part of my life that has had the biggest impact. Not only did I get a boost in my love life, but I feel like I've gained another family as well. For that, I am grateful.

This year wasn't only filled with ups. The downs hit me hard. Some downs were harder than others. My failure to get into my final year of my law degree took a toll on me. I'm not going to go further into details about that because I've already made a blog post about that before. But I've come to realize that it's okay to take my time and it's okay to fall as long as I learn to get back up with my fists up in the air.

So basically, to sum up my 2016, it was all about the lessons that I learned the hard way, accepting rejection and bouncing back up, learning that things happen when they should happen, realizing how many people in my life that I am more than grateful for, and realizing that I have a strong and loving support system that will always have my back no matter what. I've lost certain people in 2016 but I've learned that the fact that they walked away from me is proof of how their journey in my life has ended, and the people that I've gained in this year are the people who I'd like to keep forever.

So with that, Goodbye 2016. Thank you for the lessons and the memories. Hello 2017, may you bring more health, wealth, happiness, love, and all that is good with the world. Amin.

x's and o's

Social Anxiety

Bonjour.

Yes, this update is long overdue. I am aware of that. I am sorry about it. Moving on.

I have social anxiety. There's a lot of types of anxiety out there and the one that I suffer most from is social anxiety. Quoting webmd.com, social anxiety is an anxiety disorder in which a person has excessive and unreasonable fear of social situations. And yes, that is me.

I am a person who gets uncomfortable at social events. Even the thought of having to attend a social event makes me uncomfortable. But on the other hand, I also enjoy getting dolled up for special events and that makes me a paradox in a way where I love the thought of getting the opportunity or excuse to get all dolled up and dress up fancy smancy but then I remember what I'll have to face in such a social event that I start to sweat and stress and it's not a pretty sight.

Examples of things that gets me anxious? Attending weddings, attending seminars, camps, meeting a new group of people for the first time, reunions, and this is no joke, but group assignments are also one of those things.

The reason for my anxiety comes in different parts. Part of it is because I actually have to socialize and deal with people. Especially people that I've never met before or people that I'm not so acquainted with. Okay to give you a clearer picture, let me explain it in this way. You know how certain games gives you "energy" which is limited to a certain amount and when you do certain things in that game, you lose energy and when you use up all your energy you need to recharge? Well I have a friend called Pem and she refers to the energy used for socializing as "Social Mana". The way that I function is this- certain people in my life uses up different amounts of social mana. People that I'm very comfortable with (which is a very small circle) barely uses any of my social mana and I can go on being around these people for a couple of days straight and it would not exhaust me in any way. Then there's the people who uses a slightly higher amount of social mana whenever I interact with them and these are usually people who I know well, but they just make me feel like I need to keep my guard up- and that exhausts me to a certain extent. These people are usually classmates, friends or certain cousins. You get what I mean? I don't mind that I have to socialize with them and they don't wear me out of my social mana that much, but I do feel tired of socializing at the end of the day that I end up feeling like I need to take a step back from people and recharge in my bubble.  And finally, there's the most exhausting group- the one that uses up most of my social mana, the unknowns. This is where things get heavy. The people that fall in this category are people that are complete strangers to me, people that I am not fond of, or even people that I know but are not well acquainted with. They drain my social mana out in an instant because these are the types of people that requires "small talk" and God knows how much I cannot stand small talk. I mean I can tolerate small talk up to a certain extent but I don't find pleasure in doing so.

People don't understand how exhausted I am when I have to attend a social event like weddings or formal receptions where most of the people there are complete strangers to me. I get jumpy and overly paranoid that if a person merely walks behind me, I feel... disturbed. It's not something that I can make people understand, but the best I can do is explain how it feels like. I could be at a wedding with my parents and their friend could come up and start asking them about me and that's fine, up until they turn to me and ask things like "are you working or still studying?", "where are you studying?", "What course?", etc. I'll have no problem answering them like a normal functioning person (at least I think I answer them like a normal functioning person) but as soon as they turn away, I will instantly feel this big rock falling from my shoulders. And they aren't even asking me any tricky questions that makes me squirm (you know the ones where they ask about your relationship status or your plans of getting married). It's really simple, basic, on the surface questions and even that exhausts the life out of me.

Another part of it is mainly because I am naturally an introvert. Which is probably why I have never been to a club or anything of that sort and why I have never been tempted to step foot in one. I hate crowds. Crowds makes me anxious. I hate having strangers be in my personal space. Even the thought of having someone accidentally brush up against my shoulder gives me the shivers.

Then there's the part about social protocol. Okay now this might sound weird but I am terrible at social protocol. For example, when I go to a wedding that I was personally invited and it's not a wedding that I'm going with my parents, (can I just say real quick that getting wedding invites with your name on it and not your parents' name is a slap of reality just how much I've turned into an adult) I will seriously spend days contemplating whether or not I will actually attend. And such a decision can only be made after I go through some serious questions such as whether or not I have a plus one or if anyone else that I know will be there as well. If I find out that there is anyone that I know who is also attending the event, then it is crucial that we go at the exact same time so I won't have to walk in to the venue alone. But I'm sure you're thinking "well duh, of course you'd do that, most people do that". Oh ho ho ho my friend, that's the least of my problems. As I mentioned before, the issue with social protocol is not a light one. I literally don't know what to do at social events. Example, when bringing money as a gift for the bride and groom, who do I pass it to? When do I pass it? When I arrive or when I leave? Ughhhhh it's those little things that stresses me out and when it gets too intense, I shut down and freeze right there and then. It's ridiculous.

I don't know if I've managed to give you a crystal clear picture of what social anxiety feels like, but after years of struggling with it, I've learned to stop making people understand it and just started hoping that the people in my life would just learn to accept it. I don't get upset anymore when people tell me that I'm just exaggerating or whatever. It's enough for me if they can just accept that I am the way I am and I'm trying my best to break out of it, but I still need to make sure that I don't end up overwhelming myself. Maybe someday I'll get over it, maybe I'll bring it to my grave. I'll have to wait and see.

x's and o's

Old Habits Die Hard (?)

Bonjour.

Okay, okay. Yes, I am aware I failed terribly at the whole "Writing challenge" thingy and in all honesty, I have no excuse for it. I wasn't really that busy, I just kinda.... forgot. I'm sorry. I know I vowed to put more effort into writing but dang, it's hard to get my writing juices running lately. It's been weeks since I last posted anything on Exposed Soliloquy and it's making me feel sad and unproductive.

I'm not sure if it's the lack of motivation or inspiration. Then again, it could just possibly my habit of procrastination. Well, whatever it is, it has got to go.

On another note, my sleeping patten has gone from worse to terrible. I'm not as insomniac as I am sleep deprived. The problem isn't really the amount of sleep that I'm getting. It's more that I can't seem to sleep when I'm supposed to. My biological clock is haywire now and I feel so betrayed by my own body. I need to fix this soon or I'll be facing real problems next semester.

A quick update on life- classes are good. I mean, I can't really complain considering that I only have one class to attend this semester and let's face it- repeating a class is just refreshing the mind and strengthening whatever knowledge that I already have. Well, with the addition of clarifying information that was slightly blurry the first time around. But all is well, so far. And I am just hoping that I'll get a grade this semester that will help boost my CGPA coz God knows how much I need that right now.

Everything else in life is good. Some aspects better than others. But to summarize it all, I am content. Aside from being terribly homesick, everything is good and dandy. And I'd hate to worry my little mind over all the possible future troubles so I'll enjoy things as they are now.

I'm sorry for not posting up anything more inspiring. I'll try to keep this blog updated as much as I can.

x's and o's