Transition

Bonjour!

It's that time of year again. That mark to the end of another year. When talking about stepping into a new year and closing last year's book, the first thing that comes to mind for most people is resolutions. The normal person takes this time to figure out their goals for the upcoming year and how they're gonna reach those goals. Adding things to their bucket lists of places they wish to see in the world, things about them that they'd like to change and the people that they'd like to spend the new year with.

As for me, I enjoy a good couple of days of reflecting on how my previous year was before I start going into that ambitious mode of setting goals and listing out things that I vow to kick to the curb once and for all. And I feel like today is a good day to do exactly just that. Lets take a walk through the memory lane of 2016.

Looking back at where I was in life at the beginning of the year and where I am now, the only word that comes to my mind is "Wow". I didn't even realize how much my life has changed from so many different aspects and it took a couple of days of sitting to my self and just indulging my thoughts into my surroundings and immersing myself in the energy around me.

I started the year with being so busy getting myself ready for my 5th semester final exams and then immediately rushing to get my visa done for my trip to Virginia in February. I felt like I was lucky at the moment to be so engrossed in the excitement of getting to visit my sister and her family that I was distracted from my usual irrational worries. The trip was an eye opener for me which temporarily lead me to a tiny thought in my head that maybe I could find comfort in moving away from a place that I could no longer identify as home. Back then I was honestly struggling to find a place to call home. I was at that point in my life where I felt that the place that I came from didn't feel like home anymore but I also couldn't identify the city that I was currently living in to pursue my studies as a place that I'd like to start planting my roots and make something out of myself. I felt like I was just floating around aimlessly, desperate to find a place that called out to my soul, that felt like home. It was a feeling that I didn't bother to talk to people about because most of them would throw judgemental comments about how I 'forgot my roots', but truth is, just because I felt that KK was no longer home, it didn't mean that I didn't have any attachment to it. It was always and always will be the place that I came from, the place where I was born and bred. I just wanted to find a place to call my own. So it felt weird for me that the first thought that crossed my mind when our flight landed at Dulles Airport was "I'm home". But after 3 weeks staying there, I got a glimpse at how my sister's life was and it dawned upon me that I could have been mistaken. I was never that girl who could get up and leave everything and everyone I love just like that. I am far too emotionally attached that making an impulse decision to pack my bags and move to a whole new country half way around that world from where my loved ones were was not the kind of life I'd want to live. Sure, I wanted that independence to be on my own, but not far enough to have to struggle to come back and visit whenever I wanted to. So I came back to Malaysia with a new lesson and a heart that was just as hollow as when I left. What I did manage to bring back was memories, a phone that was filled with pictures to last me a lifetime, and a shed of light on a new perspective of who I am.

So I came back to Malaysia after a  one month getaway vacation and straight away headed for school because I already skipped a week worth of classes. I was lucky because most of my classes haven't started yet so I didn't have much catching up to do. My 6th semester was jam packed with assignments, tests, and a student legal conference that required us to present out research paper that we done the previous semester. I sailed through the 6th semester with a dash of drama once in a while, but nothing that was not bearable. Or so I thought. After the usual routine of long nights and days at the library, I went home for the holidays that end of July with a heavy heart and slight disappointment with my performance for more than half of my papers. But I was hopeful, and I was ready to accept what was to come. Or (once again) so I thought.

I spent my semester break as usual, spending every day out and about, if not meeting up with old friends, I'd be having lunch with my cousins or bugging mom at the office. Until I made one decision to have faith and leap out of my comfort zone and say yes to a cup of coffee with this guy who had been asking me out for almost a year or so. And the rest was pretty much history. One thing lead to another, one harmless coffee date lead to a movie date, to an evening stroll at the beach, to him being my plus one at a friend's wedding and the next thing I knew, I was someone's person. I didn't even realize when or how it happened but it just did and I am so happy that it did. What struck me was that this guy had been lingering around on the sidelines of my life for almost a year already and I never gave him the time of day. The thought that if I had said yes to him earlier, I could've been happy with him way earlier as well. But I guess the best lesson that I got from this was that things happen at their own time, at their own pace. I feel like the way that he came into my life was one of the ways that God was looking down at me and my life as He placed this guy there, but never letting me be moved towards him until that perfect moment where everything would fall into place perfectly and effortlessly. And believe me when I say it was very effortless. I'm not saying that we're not putting effort into our relationship, but what I'm trying to say is we became what we are without having to struggle or try too hard to make it happen. It was as if I said yes, we sat down for that cup of coffee, and the universe aligned itself in the most beautiful way it possibly could and the rest was simply beautifully written. What started with the two of us resulted into a chain reaction. I met his family and he met mine, and the next thing we knew, both families were sitting in the living room over good food and good conversations. This is probably one of the most sudden changes in my life this year and it's the part of my life that has had the biggest impact. Not only did I get a boost in my love life, but I feel like I've gained another family as well. For that, I am grateful.

This year wasn't only filled with ups. The downs hit me hard. Some downs were harder than others. My failure to get into my final year of my law degree took a toll on me. I'm not going to go further into details about that because I've already made a blog post about that before. But I've come to realize that it's okay to take my time and it's okay to fall as long as I learn to get back up with my fists up in the air.

So basically, to sum up my 2016, it was all about the lessons that I learned the hard way, accepting rejection and bouncing back up, learning that things happen when they should happen, realizing how many people in my life that I am more than grateful for, and realizing that I have a strong and loving support system that will always have my back no matter what. I've lost certain people in 2016 but I've learned that the fact that they walked away from me is proof of how their journey in my life has ended, and the people that I've gained in this year are the people who I'd like to keep forever.

So with that, Goodbye 2016. Thank you for the lessons and the memories. Hello 2017, may you bring more health, wealth, happiness, love, and all that is good with the world. Amin.

x's and o's