Clearing out cobwebs

 Bonjour!

Dangggggg. It has been a VERY long time since I last posted anything here. Life has been hectic and truth be told, I kinda forgot about this blog. But I gotta admit, I do miss writing. So it is 15 minutes past midnight and this is possibly the only time that I have to myself- assuming (read as : hoping) the boys stay asleep for at least another 15minutes before realizing mommy is not in bed. 

So the last time I wrote in here was when I got called to the bar, eyh? Give and take a year plus. well here are the updates of my life.....

I am now a mother of two...... boys. I had my second child, Aydrean back in January. Now let me tell you this.... That boy is really something. But I'll save the story of my pregnancy journey and how his delivery went down for another post (assuming I wont forget and abandon this blog AGAIN). Let's focus on the now. Being a fulltime housewife and a mother of TWO boys is havoc. Life has never been the same. I started drinking coffee again just to make sure I can keep up with them. Don't get me wrong, I love my boys to bits. It's just that some days it gets overwhelming. One sleeps and the other wakes up, one is screaming bloody murder while the other is crying to be fed. Total chaos most days. But still, I treasure and cherish those moments when they aren't trying to annoy each other. Aydrean is only 10 months now yet it would seem like he has managed to grasp the concept of jealousy and attention hogging. Ayden is a wonderful big brother and he loves his little baby brother to bits but some days he just wants mommy all to himself and things can turn sour very quickly. 

I am.... still unemployed. For now. The new year is coming and I am in the process of establishing my own business. I dont wanna jinx it actually but in all seriousness, who even reads blogs anymore? Lol. I highly doubt anyone would come along stumbling across my blog these days with everyone being too engrossed with tik tok and facebook. So here it goes. I am opening a pet shop. We just secured the shop about a week ago and yesterday we managed to apply for our trading license and applied for the electricity for the shop. When I say we, I am referring to me and the significant other. Mom has a share in it too, but she has decided to be a silent partner and reap the profits at the end of every financial year. This is something I am very much looking forward to. Being my own boss and diving into new waters that is somewhat foreign to me. I mean of course I've done plenty of businesses before but nothing tops this. This is the real deal. This is legit. And I hope all goes well. Amin. May Allah ease this venture of mine. 

This year we also managed to purchase our first house. And it's close by to Ayden's future preschool and Aydrean's future playschool, as well as the shop. Of course credit should be given where it is due, so all the credit goes to my amazing husband who works so hard just to make sure that he can give us the best convenience that life can offer. So my daily life won't be one which will include annoying traffic jams because all I have to worry about is navigating my way around a less than 5KM route. Of course as of now we are still waiting for the house to come thru. There are still some procedures and legal stuff that needs to be settled, but its okay. Good things come to those who wait. 

Oh my. Kids are awake. Will continue soon. Hopefully. X's and O's 

What is my purpose?

 Bonjour!

This is random and hella out of the blue but since no one is ever hardly on blogger these days, I feel like it's a safe space for me now. 

These past few weeks have been hellish for me. In between adjusting to transitions of change to once again questioning the purpose of my existence, my life and self existence has once again hit rock bottom. I used to think I have dreams. I used to want to pursue it. But this pandemic and the state of my mental and physical health right now is just not having any of it. 

I successfully finished my chambering and was called to the Bar in June. Which was of course something big to celebrate. As they say in the legal field, you can get married more than once but you only get called to the bar once in your life. But after a year of chambering, I started to doubt if law is what I really wanted to do in the long run. I have always talked about baking, about having my own small bakery. I loved feeding people, I loved it when people enjoyed my creations and time has proven that I actually have a talent in it. But even my love of baking and dreams of opening a bakery of my own has been dampened by what seems to be like a never ending pandemic. Businesses are failing and I don't wanna jump into something rushed. It's just. I don't know anymore. I just know that I need to keep going but where exactly am I going? 

Baby Raspberry is a 1 Year Old

Bonjour!

From the title, you can probably guessed it. Procrastination hit me like a towing truck that's towing another car which also ended up hitting me because the baby that I last posted about is now 1 years old.

My darling baby boy turned 1 on 16th June 2020 and it was a simple and humble celebration with the family (both my side and the hubby's side). We didn't get to carry on with our original plans due to the Movement Control Order due to Covid 19 (looooong story but basically 2020 has been a shitty year and we are in the midst of a pandemic that caused us to be put under compulsary movement control) as well as financial restrictions, we will have to do what we planned to do this year, next year. But putting that aside, my oh my has my baby boy grown. As of today, he has already mastered crawling and now he is starting to attempt to take his first step and I can tell you right now that I will be an emotional mess when he finally makes that first step (especially if I miss it).

Aside from Ayden turning 1, I am also in the (technically) 4th month of chambering since I started my pupilage in March but the MCO hit the nation and I'm no longer sure how my chambering period is counted anymore. Chambering at the State Attorney-General Chambers is quite an experience. There's a handful of chambees here and I've made some new friends while also being reunited with some old friends from uni days. It isn't all rainbows and sunshine but there are more better days than the rainy ones. Basically I am all pumped up to go through the learning process of it all. I also signed up for an Advocacy Training course in August which is also a requirement for my pupilage. I am not so excited about that but I am embracing a new attitude to just absorb every experience good or bad and get through it all because either way, I will gain something from it.

I guess basically this post is just to say that despite all the bad that hit this year, there are always more things to be grateful for if you look closely enough. My blessings are in abundance and there is more to come, I know it coz quoting Pikachu, I feel it in my jellies. So let the good come through and the bad pass by.

x's and o's

Hello 2020

Bonjour!

On another post of “I’m sorry for the procrastination...”, as usual I apologize for letting my laziness get the better of me and making me skip an entire year of blogging. Life has been.... pretty hectic. 

But to start this post off, I’d like to wish everyone a Happy New Year! It’s finally 2020 and there are still no flying cars to be seen (boy, did our generation get that prediction wrong lol). As per usual, it’s that time of the year to reset resolutions and reflect on the previous year’s resolution to see what was actually achieved and what was left to be carried forward into the new year. This year I am having second doubts and conflicted thoughts about resolutions. I mean, people rarely get them done but they still make new ones every year (where most of them are just previous years’ resolutions that are carried forward anyways). So whilenI ponder whether or not I will be dedicating a post for my new year’s resolutions, I’d like to leave a little update on my life.

First of all, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy on 16 June 2019. To be honest I was half way thru a post dedicated to the story about his birth but as always, procrastination caught up and then motherhood didn’t make it any easier for me to dig up some extra time to sit and type, so that post is currently collecting dust in my drafts box. Hopefully I will come around to getting it done with (does this count as a resolution?). 

Secondly, 2019 was not kind to me in the career division. I applied a number of non legal related positions but yet, dis not manage to get a job despite getting a couple of interviews done with. So in the end, last December, I found myself submitting an application for a chambering position at a government department and I am still waiting for a response. Let’s hope that goes well for me. 

My 2019 was basically focused on friends and family. My best friend in the whole wide world came home back in September and we got the chance to spend some quality tine together and I also managed to go on a short vacation to KL and meet up with the gang from my uni days. There were more family trips and events this year as well. All in all, it was a great year. A simple, humble yet full of blessings and good vibes kind of year. I don’t think I could’ve asked for a better way to spend the entire year. 

In general, 2020 is the year where I plan to make a come back. I have high hopes and dreams for 2020. I just hope they fall into line and work out well for me and my loved ones. You know what? Maybe I will make a post about my 2020 New Year resolutions and wish list. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe. Til the next post, xoxo. 

2019 Resolution

Bonjour!

Scrap the whole "new year, new me" saying. Forget about reinventing myself because I am over that notion and I am focusing on self improvement.  To allow such self improvement to happen, I've decided to list down a number of realistic resolutions. I know it's the end of January and people usually set out their resolution in the beginning of the year but I am on board the "January is atrial month" train, hence, we are where we are. Without any more dilly dally, let's get into this.

1. Be a better wife.
So far I've been married for 5 months. I have been blessed to be given a husband who makes this resolution easier for me. He isn't fussy and he does most of his things by himself and he isn't demanding. If he wants me to do something he asks instead of orders which I highly appreciate. Under this resolution includes my desire to improve my cooking and baking skills to make sure that the hubby has a full stomach on most days. As far as this year has pass, I'm doing pretty good. attempted some dishes I never did before. Failed a couple of times, but most of it was a success. By the end of this year, I hope to be able to brush up on my kitchen and house keeping skills.

2. To be a great mom.
Currently entering my 5th month of pregnancy. Time really does fly. I feel like it was just yesterday that I found out I was pregnant. The journey hasn't been entirely delightful, but let me express my gratitude for not being haunted by the terrors of morning sickness. Although, I must say that even without the morning sickness, all the other symptoms that comes attached with the joys of carrying a child isn't a walk in the park. But I have been leaning to just enjoy the process. I am hoping a smooth delivery and a happy, beautiful and healthy baby. As of right now we are still unsure of the gender of the baby but either way, we already know the child will be blessed with a pair of parents who loves it dearly. I've been investing a lot of time researching and reading and gathering as much information as I can about maintaining a healthy pregnancy, preparing for when baby comes, browsing baby names, etc. Of course I'll try to update as much as I can about the pregnancy on this blog. (or maybe my lifestyle blog).

3. Get an income.
I heard back about the job interview that I went in for last year. I didn't get the job. As devastating as I am about it, I have learned to just accept that it wasn't meant to be. This year I am not going to be pushing and pulling myself apart to get a job because I understand the most that I can do is give effort in applying for positions and attending interviews but it is not in my control whether or not I actually get a job. So instead of being so persistent on "getting a job" I'm changing my focus to getting an income. I applied for a part time transcribing job online and have yet to hear from them. I've started selling some stuff online, both pre loved and brand new. I'm doing anything and trying anything to gain an income. With a baby on the way, I have been worrying about financials more than ever. But it's okay, I'm telling myself to take it one step at a time.

4. Be more proactive, productive.
I have had a bunch of projects that I have been wanting to get on hop of but I keep of pushing them back. Mostly it's because this pregnancy has my body up and down on energy depending on the hormone levels for the day. But I have been consistent on researching baby related stuff. So the final resolution this year is to just go out there and do what needs to be done.

And there you have it. A list of my realistic resolutions for the year. I decided to keep it simple and achieve-able. Something that I know I can tick off with a smile on my face by the end of the year. I also decided to do a monthly resolution list as well but that list I'll keep to myself for now.

x's and o's

2018 : A Recap

Bonjour!

The last time I was tap tap tapping on my laptop was when I was anxiously counting days to end my bachelorette life. Now, it's almost the end of 2018 and so much has happened since then. Of course, I apologize for once again neglecting this blog of mine but the last couple of months has been a whirlwind of changes- both expected and unexpected. Therefore, I'd like to dedicate this post to 2018 and all the ups and downs of it all. What a better way to end the year than to count blessings, eyh?

1. Finishing Law School.
2018 was the year I ended my 4 and a half years of law school journey. Pre-graduation, I mean. I packed my stuff, flew back home and started getting busy with intensive wedding planning. It was the year I said goodbye to the friends I made in the short span of time as well as the people that I once called my friends but eventually life had better stories for us to be in instead of being in each other's tale. Looking back at how eager and excited I was to get Law School done and over with, flashbacks of emotions come rushing in. The chaotic life of chasing due dates and mock trials and hearings and tests and replacement classes. Those dreadful all nighters at the firm and getting sleep at 3AM just to have to be back at the firm at 5AM the same day. But I went through those tough days with the most amazing group of people to ever exist in the world. Que, Cah, Fadhil, and Shaff being among those people. I cannot explain in words how blessed I am to have met them in my final year because without them, life would have been so unbearable. Our crazy inside jokes, innuendos, cursing, yelling, screaming, sleeping over at the firm, all of it. If I could do it all again with the exact same group of people, I would. I honestly with all my heart and soul definitely would. That's just the people I spent my final year with. Ima and Irich were people who was with me from the very beginning. Well, more Ima compared to Irich because me and Irich had a rough start but hey she is still the angel that I never expected God to throw my way in my journey. I feel like I owe so many people for so many things that they've done for me to a point where I feel like there is nothing that I could ever do to repay their kindness. The best I can do from afar is send them the best of prayers and smile as I watch them achieve all the success that they deserve in life.

2. Getting Married.
My solemnization was on 28th Septermber 2018 and it was as perfect as perfect could be. yes, there were hiccups here and there that made me cry the night before, but all of my troubles and stress went away just like that when I saw the S/O sitting there, waiting for me to sit on the dais so the ceremony could be started. Our wedding was beautiful. It was memorable, filled with love and nothing but warm and good vibes. I had friends come from all over the place just to attend my wedding and for that I am forever thankful. Crystal flew in from Japan, Que, Cah, Fadhil, and Ima flew in from Peninsular Malaysia and Pem was there with me to calm my nerves as well. The big family were so helpful and supportive and I cannot say enough words to express how grateful I am to be surrounded by loving people who are just so absolutely wonderful. On the same night we had our malam berinai and cake cutting ceremony. On 30th September 2018 it was the reception of my side followed by the groom's reception in KK on 6th October 2018. A month after that, on 4th November 2018 we had our final reception in Bogor. All in all, our wedding was a dream and after about 3 months of being married, I am happy.

3. Graduating.
After our wedding reception in KK and a couple of weeks before our reception in Bogor, I had my graduation ceremony to attend. I had a couple of minutes of being able to meet up with my best pals during my degree days and it was so much fun. Those short moments of celebrating our hard work and struggles meant so much. Managed to take some pictures with the gang and do some really quick catching up. I attended my graduation with mom, dad and the hubby. So grateful to have them there with me on the day.

4. Pregnant.
Yes, you read that right. Pregnant. As I'm typing this, I am 13 weeks pregnant which means I am in my second trimester. This was a much unexpected surprise and blessing. So far I've been to two appointments and alhamdulillah, lil raspberry (the hubby and I nicknamed the baby lil raspberry) is healthy. The last appointment I went to was last Saturday and we got to see lil raspberry move around and open and close it's hands. Oh the warmth that filled my heart. This pregnancy has been such an exciting thing yet overwhelming at the same time. Most probably because of my anxiety and my fear of the unknown. But I have set my mind to just go with it and cross the bridges that I fear when I get to them. For now, I am very thankful for this gift from God and all I hope is that lil raspberry will continue to grow to be a healthy and happy baby. Amin.

5. Job Interview
So some time around July I applied for a government position and after months of agonizingly waiting patiently, I finally got called for an interview just when I thought that there was no more hope left in that application. I went into the interview and gave everything I got and the best I can do now is to wait and leave the rest in God's hands. I really do hope I get the job offer soon because with a baby on the way and in the recent economy, being in a single income household isn't much of an option. So fingers crossed that I'll be kicking off the new year with a job offer that can at least help contribute to the household and put some moolah aside for rainy days as well.

All in all, it was a pretty eventful year filled with blessings, celebration and happiness. I have so many people to thank in 2018 including those who walked away from my life and made it even better than before. May 2019 be another year of endless blessings and happiness. Although, in my opinion, it's all about perspective. Even the worst of events could be a blessing if you look at it from the right angle. For 2018, I include the lessons and my downfalls as blessings for making me a wiser and stronger person. Next on my agenda? Resolutions. Stay tuned for that. =)

x's and o's

Less Than Three Months

Bonjour!

So the clock is ticking and I only realized today that I'm less than 3 months away from my wedding. The past week I was busy with Raya celebration but also managed to sneak in some time in between to just get some wedding stuff done. Sent in the fabric for my solemnization attire to a boutique and got some other small details sorted out. I went home that night and double checked my list of things that needs to be done and realized that I've gotten most of it done. The best I can do now is just sit back and relax as I wait for my fitting sessions.

One thing that I have to admit that I've procrastinated long enough is sending in my scholarship documents. So I'm a scholarship receiver for my degree program and there's a requirement that I 'report' to the office with the relevant documents once I finish my studies. I finished in February. It's now end of June and I still haven't gotten my ass to the office. I really need to get that struck off my to do list.

Another thing that I've been putting on hold is going to the dentist. I'm not sure if I mentioned this in a previous post but I got a temporary tooth filling when I was in Indonesia with the Fiance which was done by my Fiance's cousin. Well that filling broke. Like a month ago. I've been putting off getting it fixed because I'm damn scared of the dentist but today I just knew that I couldn't put it off anymore and just picked up the phone, called the dentist that's nearby my place and made an appointment for tomorrow. I'm terrified. Sigh. But I gotta do what needs to be done because getting anything major done way too close to the wedding date is just hazardous and I dont want to risk any swelling or whatever on my wedding week. Wish me luck!

I've been thinking lately about setting up another blog. Something like a lifestyle blog. A platform where I would post up make up tutorials or skincare reviews or things like that. Just a little something to keep me busy on the side even after I get a full time job.

Speaking of jobs, I've been applying a few more positions here and there, and I'm still sitting and waiting to hear back from the places that I've applied. Pray for me people!

And that's all the updates that I've got for now. Ciao!
x's and o's